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Just came by to get some patterns?

If you've come directly to this page from another site, let me reveal a secret:
This isn't really a knitting site.
Sure, you'll find some patterns here, and I might even talk about yarn somewhere. But coming to my site for knitting patterns is like taking a class in literary criticism from Mike Tyson. I mean, he can read, but are you going to feel all that confident in your notes? To see just how bad of a knitter I am, go read this short piece.

The truth is, this site is really about absurdity, bombast, and baseless enthusiasm; the patterns are an insignificant part of it. I almost regret putting them up here in the first place. So please, if you surfed in from somewhere looking for patterns, have a look around. And if you don't find Queen Victoria wearing a toessel all that funny, then feel free to send me a threatening email.



Uber Toessel Papa Bear Toessel
Thong Toessel Angry Teapot Toessel
Bowler Toessel Cadillac Toessel
Toessel Tube Rogaine Toessel
Homey Toessel Turban Toessel
French Beret Toessel Muffin Toessel
Conqueror pHat

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